Creating Change

Samantha and I spent the last couple of sessions analyzing her pattern of self talk and developing strategies to improve her internal conversation with herself. She says things to herself like, “I always make such stupid mistakes. I never pay attention to what I’m doing. Everybody knows I’m no good at this job.” 

She wants to shift from addressing her perceived shortcomings with self talk that is global (meaning it applies to her in all contexts), stable (meaning she cannot change), and internal (meaning it describes a core part of who she is) to self talk that is specific (meaning it addresses a single event), unstable (meaning it acknowledges that she has the power to change outcomes), and external (meaning she recognizes that there may be other explanations for an event that relate to the environment around her and not to who he is at her core).

 

Doing the Work of Personal Growth

Samantha decided to practice pausing, noticing the words she is saying to herself, and getting curious. She formulated response questions: Is this true?; Is this helpful or productive? What is my specific example? The next step after this pause and “curious reflection”is to reframe her self-talk in statements that are specific and flexible.

 

The “Great Ah-ha”

Through this exercise, Samantha experienced a “great ah-ha,” a moment of clarity. She said, “I realized I keep approaching things as I think they ‘should’ be done instead of in ways that work best for me.” She acknowledged that when she approaches the challenges of home, work, parenting, and general life in ways that are authentic to her, she experiences “more tangible success.”

This important shift in thinking is a huge step forward for my ADHD clients, as well as for my business development, leadership, and entrepreneurial clients. This is where they turn the corner and gain momentum toward their goals. At this stage of growth, it becomes important for us to keep this “great ah-ha” top of mind and to apply it intentionally. 

 

Staying Focused

As a result, Samantha and I explored what it means to act in accord with her authentic self and how she can know for certain that she is. What can she create and refer to to decide if her ideas,plans, projects, and actions align with her authentic self and what works best for her, thus increasing her probability for success.

The turn of a new year is a perfect time for us all to consider this, to ask the question, “how can I be sure that I’m approaching the things I do in a way that aligns with who I am, the best way for me to do things, and what I value?

Writing a personal vision statement can help us define the answer to this question. It provides a reference point for a reminder of who we are and how we want live our lives. Combined with a list of value statements, it becomes the foundation for setting goals, making decisions, driving success, and celebrating our unique individuality. A personal vision statement accompanied by a list of value statements enables us to proactively plan and prepare and to also retroactively assess and self-correct.

 

Develop Your Personal Vision Statement

In 1-2 sentences, describe your purpose, express your individuality, challenge yourself, and define your overall goal. Your personal vision statement becomes a source of motivation and grounding. 

If you still don’t know where to start, try using one of the following templates as a prompt. Just fill in the blanks:

1. I aim to ________________________ so that ________________________ because ________________. With this in mind, I will strive to _____________________.
2. To be ________________________ so that ___________________because ________________. I intend to ___________________ while also ________________.
3. To __________________________ by doing ______________ so that _______________ because _________________.

Develop Your Personal Value Statements

One-sentence values statements share your principles and identity. They name what you’re committed to and unwilling to waver on. These are core beliefs and practices that thread through all you say and do and guide how you operate.

If creating these statements feels intimidating, try using a few of the following templates:

1. I seek to _________________.
2. I will serve _______________.
3. I will find _____________.
4. I commit to ______________.
5. I will design ______________.
6. I create ______________.
7. I work ______________.
8. I wikk integrate ________________.