How to Make Persistence Pay Off

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My psychology students, all 21 of them, bent over the slips of paper I handed out moments before. Most had quickly worked through the first challenge on the paper. As the minutes ticked, most accomplished solving the second problem on the sheet. Within about 10 minutes ¾ of the class put their pencils down and raised their hands to indicate they had completed the task.

The five students still working were scattered amongst those who were finished. Their body language – shifting in their seats, chewing their bottom lips, gripping their fingers into fists – indicated that they were feeling pressure and frustration. Determined to not be outdone by their classmates or my little challenge, they continued to scribble out answers then scratch through those answers to scribble out new solutions that would then be scratched through. They persisted in their effort far longer than even I had anticipated they would.

President Calvin Coolidge is credited with saying, “Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence.” I beg to differ. Persistence alone will not solve the problem, move the dial, or save the day.

Just ask the five students who struggled to solve the puzzle on their paper. It wasn’t their fault, of course, and their inability to solve it didn’t reflect poorly on them. I had intentionally given five students an unsolvable anagram. All 21 students received a paper with three anagrams to solve. The anagrams in the sequence became progressively more challenging. Nonetheless, 16 students received a list of anagrams that were solvable. Five randomly selected students received tow solvable anagrams and a third unsolvable one. 

No amount of persistence would have ever rewarded them w
ith the outcome they sought.

Persistence, also known as grit, can lead to astounding success. It allows the underdog to rise up and overcome obstacles to achieve what no one thought he could. Don’t misunderstand me. I believe in the power of persistence.

 

I believe in the power of persistence when there is a plan. Without a thoughtful plan, a person is engaging in blind persistence, which can result in sticking with a faulty strategy
, working at accomplishing something that cannot be accomplished, or attempting to solve something that isn’t the true problem.

Blind persistence leads to

  1. The creation of false obstacles.
  2. Feelings of frustration and defeat.
  3. Self-comparison to others.
  4. Negative self-talk.
  5. Feeling helpless.
  6. Physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.
  7. Impaired decision making skills.
  8. Impaired communication skills.

To make persistence work for you

  1. Identify the real problem that needs to be solved 
  2. Determine if that “problem” is something that needs a solution or simply needs you to make a choice. 
  3. Identify what you know from prior experience with this or similar problems.
  4. Identify what you already know about the current situation. 
  5. Clarify for yourself if this is a problem or goal that is important to you or if it is something you are trying to accomplish because you think you should, you think others want you to, or you fear you’ll be judged negatively if you don’t.
  6. Create a plan for persistence that specifically states the end goal, the actions you will take, when you will take each action, how much time you will commit to each action, the resources (including people) you will use to help you complete each action, what success will look like at each step along the way, and the timeline (including end date) for achieving your stated goal.
  7. Stick with (persist with) the plan.

Problem Solving With the Three Ps

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Remember the big, gooey, green monster from childhood that lived under your bed? Remember how you learned to leap from your light switch so it couldn’t grab you by the ankles, pull you under, and gobble you up? Remember how you hid under your covers while in your imagination that ugly green monster grew and grew and grew?

For many of us, that nasty green monster has followed us into adulthood. It nips at our heels. It snatches at our ankles. Fear of it keeps us up at night. Exhaustion from fending it off drives us to hide deep under our covers.

Only now, it’s not a creature of our overactive juvenile imagination. It’s real. It’s the problem we can’t shake. It’s the career, relationship, habit, health issue, financial stumbling block, or insecurity causing us stress. And the more we try to shove it under the bed, the bigger, and Bigger, and BIGGER it grows. Believe me, if you don’t do something about it, IT WILL EAT YOU ALIVE.

In his book, The Coaching Habit, Michael Bungay Stanier, discusses the three Ps of every problem. And every problem can be analyzed to discover its three Ps. Essentially, they stand for: Project, People, Patterns. Each one contributes to the problem and, if appropriately addressed, can contribute to the solution(s). Project is the task. People refers to relationships we have with others. Patterns expands to our patterns of behavior.

Lets consider an example. In a recent coaching session I had with a college student, he noted money management as his primary concern. He said, “When I feel like I have a lot of money, I go out and spend way more money than I should. I tell myself, ’It’s just this one time.’ But it never ends up being just one time. Then by the end of the semester, I’m barely paying for essentials. It’s not fun.” He stated that he wanted to get his wild lifestyle swings under control so that he was in a “steady” comfort zone financially.

After explaining the three Ps to him, I asked him to look at his problem in terms of Project, People, and Patterns. This is what he came up with:
*Project – “I need to set up a budget so I can be on cruise control.”
*People – “I have a lot of friends. That’s one of my drives to go out. I have FOMO.” (FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out)
*Patterns – “When I see I have a lot of money, I say, ‘Why not? I’ll do it just this one time.’ When I’m drinking, it’s easier to talk myself into spending money. Also, if someone buys me a drink, I feel the need to return the favor, even though I know he doesn’t really expect me to pay him back.”

Wow! The look on his face once he had finished his analysis. He had dragged his big green monster out into the open, was looking straight into its cesspool eyes, and staring it down! He had clarity on how to wage his attack and could focus his efforts one P at a time. His monster was shrinking SMALLER, and Smaller, and smaller.

Some people are fine to face their monsters alone. Most of us, though, feel far more confident when we have a partner in the fight. Fear of our monsters creates chatter in our heads. Guttural growls from our monsters creates distraction in our environment. It can be hard to hear our own voice over the din.

That’s where coaching to the three Ps can be most useful. A coach provides a quiet, safe space in which to calmly and collectively assess problems, break them into the three Ps, map out targeted solutions, and confidently implement change.

Can’t take on your big, fat, gooey, green monster by yourself? Let’s do it together!

“Just Do You” Is Your Biggest Roadblock

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YOU are a fabulous person with many wonderful qualities. The attributes you share with the world make it a better place. And as your coach, I would tell you that the more specific you can be when naming those attributes the more beneficial it is to fully appreciating who you are in this very moment and who you are becoming as you grow toward your goals.

Yellow and Brown Textile

But I would NEVER tell you, “Just do you.” NEVER. Saying those words to you would be like telling you that I have no confidence in your quest for self-development. It would be like telling you to surrender to your current circumstances, to be content with good enough, to quit your curiosity about what could be.

Clinging to the comfort (and cop out) of “You do you” is your biggest roadblock. 

YES, you are great now. YES, people appreciate you for the impact you make daily. YES, you contribute value just by being you.

But does that mean you are being the best YOU you can be?

My youngest son is intelligent, witty, ambitious, determined, athletic, and academically gifted. When he sets his mind on achieving something, he works at it until he succeeds. His logic and talent for analysis made him a formidable opponent on a playing field and in the classroom. His charisma makes him a natural leader. His empathy, loyalty, and affection make him an excellent friend.

Two Person Walking on Unpaved Road

BUT, he doesn’t always apply his abilities in every situation. Sometimes, he’s more interested in getting laughter from his peers than in leading them. Sometimes he uses his charisma to lead them to where they should not go. He finds a person’s line in the sand and tests it, tests it, tests it. He’s been known to use his talents to achieve success in undesirable venues and pursuits. From the day he started preschool through to his high school graduation, parent-teacher conferences always began with the words, “He has so much potential, but…” His tendency to settle for good enough has made his road, and my journey with him on it, very rocky. We’re talking boulders in the path.

I love my son. I love who he is. I’m proud of him. And I would never tell him, “You just do you.”

Since he was just a tyke, my daily mantra to him has been, “Be the best Smith you can today.” I challenge him not to settle for just being himself, but to be the very best version of himself that he can be.

He’s the first to tell you that the challenge isn’t easy. And that every day he has to wake up and recommit to being the best version of himself. And that figuring that out takes effort. It takes relying on someone he can trust to help him sort out who that best version is and how he can grow into that version. He’s also the first to tell you that rising to that challenge has crushed boulders into sand.

Group of Women Sitting on Couch

What about you? How do you feel if someone says, “Just do you!”? What roadblocks is it causing in your drive to achieve goals? What would be different if you received the message, “You do the best you can today”? Do you want to settle for good enough or do you want to grow into your full potential? What’s your next step in making that happen?