Tag Archive for: Brain

The ADHD Brain and Systems – Part 2

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Part 1 of The ADHD Brain and Systems addresses how the ADHD brain reacts to the systems we implement to bring order and control to our lives. It also provides three strategies you can use to make a system more effective. If you have not read part 1 yet, pause here and read it before proceeding.

Remember Carla from part 1? She and I worked together to solve her systems problem. We explored the routine she had put in place for her day. As we probed and processed, she concluded that she expected her system to do too much. She acknowledged that she had created it based on how she believed she “should” do it. She realized that her expectation of the system to take her from zero order to strict and rigid structure in one fell swoop was unrealistic and unattainable. 

When you think about yourself and your past systems, does this sound familiar?

Do you want to create better systems for yourself?

Consider these Five Tips for Getting Started:

Reflect on your old discarded systems. Mine them for the gems that were useful and effective. Consider characteristics or patterns those gems have in common. How can you incorporate those into systems you create for yourself moving forward?

 

Keep it simple. This phrase seems so over used, yet it is so true. I have clients who spend hours, days even, creating complex systems with bells, whistles, and baubles of all sizes and colors to account for any and every possibility. Their systems are detailed, comprehensive, complex, and attractive but not practical. Their brains enjoy the creative process of putting them together but balk at actual implementation because the systems are too overwhelming and complicated to use. So, keep it simple.

 

Use a system that works with YOUR brain. This requires some self observation, analysis, and, above all, honesty. It also requires you to let go of the idea (hope) that someone other than you knows the perfect magic way of doing things that will make everything in your life fall into place.

 

Keep your expectations realistic. 100% consistency isn’t an achievable goal. How about putting into place a repeatable structure that you can implement 70% of the time on average and fall back to when life gets messy?

 

Get a thinking partner. It’s hard to ask yourself the hard questions and be objective about your responses when just doing it in your head. A coach is specially trained to collaborate with you to help you move forward. If setting up with a coach doesn’t feel like the right move for you, a trusted friend or family member may be able to fill the role. Who is a person in your life who can listen, ask good questions, and collaborate with you to process your wants, needs, patterns, skills, and so forth?

What’s your next move?

The ADHD Brain and Systems – Part 1

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Carla arrived at coaching so frustrated with herself. She had determined a routine for her day in the previous session, but reported that she had “failed” at sticking with it. When I asked what she thought was getting in her way, she said, “It wasn’t a good plan. It doesn’t work. I just want a system that works.”

Carla, like so many of my high-achieving clients, desires a “system,” or a “recipe,” or a “routine,” that will get her through each day and through each task. She wants a system that will automate her efforts and optimize her time and productivity. She believes that “the right system” will change EVERYTHING. 

Can you relate?

Carla has created numerous systems for herself in the past, and she has long since abandoned them all. When a system no longer seems to work, she goes in search of the next “perfect system.” Carla, when she isn’t successful 100% of the time, decides the system is totally flawed in every aspect, throws the whole design out, and begins again from scratch.

Does this sound like you?

There are so many things I can say about systems at this juncture, but I’m going to narrow our focus in this discussion. What I hear in Carla’s story is that she takes an all-or-nothing approach to her systems and she focuses on failure to implement rather than successes of the system. These are both barriers to moving forward. 

The ADHD brain both craves and resists systems. It wants to make life easier and automated, but when it succeeds, it gets bored and demands a different solution. 

How often has this happened to you?

Three Important things to remember about systems:

  1. There are NO PERFECT SYSTEMS. No one out there on the internet has created a  fail-proof system that works for YOU and everyone, every time, in all contexts. Nothing works 100% of the time for 100% of people. There are good systems, not perfect ones. Good systems are ones that fit you and how your brain works. Good systems are individualized.

 

  1. Before ditching a system you’re using, try shifting your focus from the flaws to the elements that are effective. There are always parts of a system that are serving you well. Identify those system strengths and pour gas on them.

 

  1. EVERY system, including the ones that work, get boring to the ADHD brain. It can only do the same thing in the sameway for so many times until it rebels and tells you “This just isn’t working anymore.” The ADHD brain wants its dopamine hit. It begins looking elsewhere for stimulation and comfort. This doesn’t mean the system has failed, was no good in the first place, or needs to be thrown out. IT ALSO DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED. Before scrapping your system, pause and take the opportunity to get creative and re-sparkle-ize your system. Make it flashy again to get your brain back on board.

Are you feeling like you need more? 

Stay tuned. Part 2 of The ADHD Brain and Systems will provide action steps you can take to design a system that works for you.

Curiosity: You Are NOT the Cat

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My grandmother frequently admonished me throughout my early years by saying, “Curiosity killed the cat.” This reprimand usually coincided with actual or contemplated mischief, so I heard it a lot from my grandmother’s lips. She used the quip to keep me in line. 

I notice people stating this idiom to their children, to other adults, and to themselves. Clients will even say it to me as an excuse for not considering their range of possibilities.

Repetition of  phrases like this, said as statements of fact, causes us to internalize them. They become a guiding rule for our behavior, acting on us below the level of  our conscious awareness. Adhering to the notion that curiosity killed the cat, therefore it will kill us, keeps us locked in our safety zone. When we stay locked in our safety zone, we sacrifice growth and development in exchange for the comfort of what we already know.

By doing this, we become vulnerable to the pitfalls of failing to exercise curiosity in a world teeming with places, things, and ideas to explore. We become susceptible to problems like:

  1. Group Think
  2. Functional Fixedness
  3. Stagnate Learning
  4. Decline in Neural Networks
  5. Poor Problem-Solving
  6. Failed Relationships

People caution others not to express curiosity as a subtle cue to not rock the boat, to walk the straight and narrow, to maintain the status quo. The message hints that if we ask questions such as, “How does this work?” or “What are my other options?” or “Why is this way the right way and that way the wrong way?” we will be ostracized from the in-group and cast into the out-group.

This conviction activates the limbic system within the brain, where emotions and the flight or fight response are governed. The brain’s sole purpose is to keep us alive. It operates on the prehistoric principle that to be kicked out of the clan means certain death by exposure to the elements, illness, starvation, or predator. Your brain truly believes that curiosity killed the cat and that curiosity will kill you, as well. Thus, it creates a feeling of fear in order to discourage curiosity and regain a sense of safety.

I can 100% guarantee you that you are not the cat. In most cases, curiosity poses no hazards to you. In fact, it expands your worldview. It connects you in deeper and more meaningful ways to the people around you. It profoundly transforms your ability to overcome challenges. And it leads to greater creativity, happiness, and life satisfaction.

 

Your brain is an incredible organ. Though charged with surveying the environment for danger and triggering a response to it, the brain can also be taught that what it once perceived as dangerous is not. It has this marvelous plasticity that allows it to change based on the environment and how you interact with the environment. By indulging in curiosity, even in small ways, you begin to mold your brain to not only embrace curiosity, but to crave it even more.